No matter what I do…that’s how I ultimately feel. Who doesn’t want to belong to something? Even if it’s just your own family or “people”.
However, I’ve grown to appreciate this feeling of being misplaced. Or at least, I’ve grown to attempt to appreciate this feeling. I think that’s what life is all about. It’s okay if your group of “people” is very small or fleeting at times.
If you open your mind and heart its possible to find your “people” in places you might not expect. These people may only be there for a brief period of time in life…and that’s okay too. I don’t think we were all meant to know each other forever after we’ve met. I think whatever interaction you have with those people that touch your life is what it is. It should never feel forced or feel like you are doing maintenance. Things that are meant to last will…and there are so very many different levels of lasting.
The thought of most recent days:
Throughout my life: I try to fit in…I don’t…I feel out of place.
I’ve been trying to look at this feeling differently. Out of place = weird = different =
SOMEONE WITH SOMETHING NEW TO CONTRIBUTE.
Just some recent happy things.
I start my new job tomorrow. Woo Hoo!
I’ve been having some fun exercising and eating in order to better care for myself. I have never been terribly unhealthy but I want to be active in my older years so I’m keeping things in check now! I’m not on a diet. My goal isn’t to lose weight but just maintain. I definitely don’t deprive myself from eating out or eating something “bad.” However, since I’ve been paying more attention and thinking more about my choices, I find that I don’t crave those bad things so much anymore. I prefer to eat things like this…
I know taking care of oneself is nothing new. But it’s more fun when it just becomes a lifestyle rather than some kind of torture.
I am currently unemployed.
It’s kind of weird. I have always been one of those people that could never quit a job without having another job lined up. However, I have found myself in similar situations multiple times in my life. I have collected severance 3 times. I have been on unemployment twice. Once, I just up and quit and had a little savings and figured I would work it out. Two of the times I got severance were as an RN. What? I thought RNs always had jobs.
My last day at my last job was March 6. Honestly, I haven’t been applying like crazy or whatnot but so far, I have had 2 interviews and one job offer.
Well, look at that. I really am a hot commodity.
I was actually hoping to have a little more time off. Oh well.
I use to have a diary…or ten. I even had a couple of the ones with the little lock and key built in. As I got older I realized the lock and key was pretty worthless. At some point I started referring to them as journals instead of a diary. Now these days everyone has an online blog. I don’t really know what you’re suppose to do with these. It seems that they are more for the entertainment of others than for personal release of emotion.
Maybe part of this is because I always wrote more in my diary/journal when I was sad. Or lonely. Or confused. Or pissed off. Or disappointed.
I find, that these days, I don’t have the same urge to spew a bunch of depression with the written word. Not that life is perfect and I don’t have the sad or frustrating moments. Maybe I just deal with things in a different way now. Or maybe things aren’t as fucked up as they use to be. I suppose the reason doesn’t really matter.
I don’t really have a point to this. I just wanted to write for a minute. Maybe that’s the point.
Just some things that have made me happy in the past month or two.
Yeah, mostly yarn and cats. So?
My goal is to attempt to write a post to try to at least summarize this past year. It’s been a doozy and there have been multiple events that if given the opportunity to choose…I would have preferred a less stressful option. Yet, at the same time, I have learned a LOT about me, my friends, my family, etc and other things you can’t really plan to learn.
So I consider myself lucky.
So, I’ve been thinking…since I’m already in school I may as well go ahead and get my Master’s degree in Nursing while I’m at it.