Out of Place

No matter what I do…that’s how I ultimately feel. Who doesn’t want to belong to something? Even if it’s just your own family or “people”.


However, I’ve grown to appreciate this feeling of being misplaced. Or at least, I’ve grown to attempt to appreciate this feeling. I think that’s what life is all about. It’s okay if your group of “people” is very small or fleeting at times.

If you open your mind and heart its possible to find your “people” in places you might not expect. These people may only be there for a brief period of time in life…and that’s okay too. I don’t think we were all meant to know each other forever after we’ve met. I think whatever interaction you have with those people that touch your life is what it is. It should never feel forced or feel like you are doing maintenance. Things that are meant to last will…and there are so very many different levels of lasting.


The thought of most recent days:

Throughout my life: I try to fit in…I don’t…I feel out of place.

I’ve been trying to look at this feeling differently. Out of place = weird = different =


Heck yeah.




Just some recent happy things.

I start my new job tomorrow. Woo Hoo!


I’ve been having some fun exercising and eating in order to better care for myself. I have never been terribly unhealthy but I want to be active in my older years so I’m keeping things in check now! I’m not on a diet. My goal isn’t to lose weight but just maintain. I definitely don’t deprive myself from eating out or eating something “bad.” However, since I’ve been paying more attention and thinking more about my choices, I find that I don’t crave those bad things so much anymore. I prefer to eat things like this…

I know taking care of oneself is nothing new. But it’s more fun when it just becomes a lifestyle rather than some kind of torture. :)


I am currently unemployed.

It’s kind of weird. I have always been one of those people that could never quit a job without having another job lined up. However, I have found myself in similar situations multiple times in my life. I have collected severance 3 times. I have been on unemployment twice. Once, I just up and quit and had a little savings and figured I would work it out. Two of the times I got severance were as an RN. What? I thought RNs always had jobs.


My last day at my last job was March 6. Honestly, I haven’t been applying like crazy or whatnot but so far, I have had 2 interviews and one job offer.

Well, look at that. I really am a hot commodity.

I was actually hoping to have a little more time off. Oh well. :)


Dear Diary

I use to have a diary…or ten. I even had a couple of the ones with the little lock and key built in. As I got older I realized the lock and key was pretty worthless. At some point I started referring to them as journals instead of a diary. Now these days everyone has an online blog. I don’t really know what you’re suppose to do with these. It seems that they are more for the entertainment of others than for personal release of emotion.

Maybe part of this is because I always wrote more in my diary/journal when I was sad. Or lonely. Or confused. Or pissed off. Or disappointed.

I find, that these days, I don’t have the same urge to spew a bunch of depression with the written word. Not that life is perfect and I don’t have the sad or frustrating moments. Maybe I just deal with things in a different way now. Or maybe things aren’t as fucked up as they use to be. I suppose the reason doesn’t really matter.

I don’t really have a point to this. I just wanted to write for a minute. Maybe that’s the point.



Happy things

Just some things that have made me happy in the past month or two.

Yeah, mostly yarn and cats. So? :)


My goal is to attempt to write a post to try to at least summarize this past year. It’s been a doozy and there have been multiple events that if given the opportunity to choose…I would have preferred a less stressful option. Yet, at the same time, I have learned a LOT about me, my friends, my family, etc and other things you can’t really plan to learn.


So I consider myself lucky.


Well, I had a really fun weekend. It was my birthday and then a couple of close friends got married on the beach. Until today, I hadn’t done any schoolwork for the past 5 days. Ugh. I’m feeling like that is why today has been so difficult. That and because it’s a Lit, Arts and Humanities essay that I’m just not really into. I amĀ trying to stay positive and at least get all my research done today…but I am having a hard time staying on task.

Keep your eye on the prize.

So for a moment, I want to talk about something else I’m working on. I was thinking today, that it’s kind of funny how I have an ongoing crochet project going on right now. The last time I was in nursing school I crocheted an afghan for the first time ever. I suppose it’s fitting.

This current afghan is made from some yarn that I won, which is one of the best parts. I got to pick the colorways…

photo 1 (1)

I have been wanting to make another afghan but it takes a decent amount of yarn, and I have been attempting not to add to my stash. This time around, I wanted to make a granny square type afghan. However, I often have a hard time deciding on ONE pattern and end up over thinking it and then end up not doing anything.

So, in addition to keeping my sanity while I’m in school, this is also an effort to do a stash busting project without thinking too much about it. I’m using this book that I’ve had for a while…

photo (4)

Another attempt at using what I already have.

So there is plenty of potential. It’s also fun because each square is like a little project in itself. I’m trying to just kind of flip open the book when I have time to crochet and just make the first square that catches my eye. I’m also trying not to think about which color goes in which order in each square, so I’m just grabbing blindly out of the bag as I go. I only cheat a little bit, as there are 2 very light colors that look too similar to be right next to each other. Here are the squares I’ve made so far. They are a little wonky because they need a little blocking (shaping) but this gives a good idea of the awesomeness that is to come.

photo 3 (1)photo 1 (2)photo 2 (2)photo 1 (3)photo (3)photo 1 (5)photo 2 (5)photo (5)

YAY! I got a little giddy myself looking at this line up. :)